Life goes fast, sometimes very, very fast. Through the mad rush to go to work in the morning, the evening filled with homework, baths, extracurricular tasks, and activities, what time do we have left to connect with the pleasure of being a parent and everything the love we have for each of our children? We cuddle toddlers more spontaneously, but sometimes, as our children grow up, the signs of affection become scarce and we sometimes forget to remind them how much we love them. However, sometimes children may doubt the love and unconditional acceptance of their parents.
Since we are sometimes angry, since we often scold them, that we must sometimes apply consequences, since we sometimes sigh and raise our voice when we point out their inappropriate behaviors, since we sometimes reflect that ‘we are disappointed, even discouraged by their attitude, some children may develop the impression that they are a burden on their overwhelmed parents.
Take the test
For one week, each time you show disapproval of your child, each time you intervene or issue a directive, put a checkmark on a sheet of paper. Then, each time you have a positive interaction with your child, whether it is a joke, a smile, a loving touch or a pleasant moment spent together, write a star on the sheet. What do you observe? Do you scold children more often than you give them approval marks? What is your affection vs interventions ratio
Unfortunately, we all too often have the reflex of focusing our attention on what annoys us and on behavior to change. It is therefore important to regularly restore balance, to become aware of everything we appreciate about them, and to demonstrate to them in many ways that they are a gift from heaven.
Some ideas to show your love to your child
1. Say what we appreciate each other every day:
Establish a new tradition at home. Each day each family member will have to say something to someone they like or make a positive note. For example, you could go around the table with meals or keep a “book of appreciation” where everyone must write a positive comment every day. (“I liked it when mom helped me with my homework”, “Samuel woke up with a wonderful smile.”) You could also display a “love board” where people regularly come up with little comments about ‘appreciation.
2. Being present
And I am not talking here simply of the amount of time spent with your young people but of the quality and depth of your presence. Take 5 minutes a day to do what I call a “heart to heart” with each of your children. Put aside your tasks and concerns and just sit down with your child to take an interest in what he is doing, without doing anything. Then take a deep breath to connect with your emotions and realize the love you have for him, how beautiful he is, how happy you are to be his parent. Either way, your child will feel this “aura” of tenderness.
Have fun: Do not just plan family activities, show your enthusiasm to play with them, show how much you enjoy being in their company. Laugh at their jokes, enjoy the drawings they offer you, marvel at their shows, and do activities with them that you enjoy.
Trust is one of the greatest marks of love a child can receive. The more often you tell your child confidence phrases, the better their self-esteem, and the more they will feel accepted. Then use sentences like: “I lend it to you, I KNOW that you will pay attention to it. “,” I’m sure it will be fine in such a situation … “,” You have all my confidence. And avoid distrustful phrases like, “Be careful! You’ll break it! “,” I hope you’re going to behave at … “
4. Show interest
Regardless of age, take an interest in their opinion, tastes, and ideas. (“What should I wear tonight do you think?”, “Phew! The character in your story had a funny reaction, don’t you think? What would you have done?”) Ask him about his perception of things on various subjects and try to learn more about his interests. Taking a few minutes to listen to our teen’s favorite album or reading our little girl’s favorite novel are also ways of saying, “I’m interested in you”
5. Respect him more
Avoid reprimanding him in public. Talk about him positively to other adults even when he is away. Always use respectful tone and words even when you are angry. Never use a way to express yourself with your children that you wouldn’t use with someone else’s children. Do not lie to him, do not make a false promise to him, and do not use blackmail to make you obey. Take a parent-child communication course as needed to develop respectful attitudes while assuming your role of authority.
Just say “I love you” more often! But it’s not just these words that remind your child that he matters to you. Small daily gestures too:
A look filled with pride and affection;
A hand in the hair, a kiss on the forehead, a warm touch;
Prepare his favorite dish for him, prepare a little surprise for him, try to please him;
A word of encouragement slipped into his lunch box before an exam;
An affectionate nickname (jewelry, kitten, love, owl, coconut …);
Be creative! Find what looks like YOU.
6. Assume your authority
Establishing rules, enforcing them, putting tags, and prohibitions despite the children’s anger, this is also showing them our love. Children instinctively know that they are not supposed to do everything they want to do and they need strong and solid leaders to rely on. When adults surrender to resistance from children, they feel abandoned, not important enough for their parents to make the effort to bring them up. My favorite phrase is: “I love children so much that I accept that they hate me sometimes. “
How do you like your children? Leave your ideas in the comments below. ?
7. Gift ideas: the best educational toys
Play is a particularly effective way of reinforcing learning and facilitating children’s learning. It is therefore quite natural that the majority of toy manufacturers develop fun educational ranges often developed in collaboration with professionals from childhood. Acquire new knowledge, refine your knowledge, arouse curiosity for a subject. Educational toys like magnetic tiles often have specific objectives. But you still have to make the right choice from multiple offers…
As with toys in general, choosing an educational toy should not be taken lightly. Certain criteria, such as the child’s age or interests, must be taken into account in the purchasing process. Acquiring a playful educational game for a lower age than that of the child increases, for example, the risk of disinterest. Conversely, opting for an overly complex toy can greatly alter one’s self-confidence and feeling of failure. To help you in your quest, we offer a selection of five educational games suitable for different ages.
Reactions of our readers
PALLET: With my husband, we have a 29-year-old son and a 21-year-old daughter. We gave them a good education and we did everything to make them very happy. They never disrespected us. Our son is docile, our daughter has a very strong character and knows what she wants. My daughter and I often quarreled but simply insulted and 2 hours after that was over.
My children are my treasures, we cannot always agree but we have to accept each other. Yes, it is not easy… But I have one thing to say: the children do not ask to come so when they are there you have to give them the best and educate them by giving them confidence and Loving them as it should. We shape them in our image … LOVE YOUR CHILDREN THEY DON’T ASK
It’s a shame to talk about her children like that. I have three, like most young people today, I can say that they bring me nothing if it is only indifference and a lot of suffering. But it’s the life that has become like this, never even if I too have a perverse daughter, I will not allow myself to speak of them in this way.
However, I cannot express the harm they have all done to me since my divorce. But they are the flesh of my flesh and it is to have no respect for yourself who should consult a shrink, you are not a mother, I will not say more because I find you abject
HELLO: Your message hurt me … for you and your child.
Why don’t you go see a doctor who could help you and possibly do therapy with your child?
I read a lot of distress in your message. There is still time to move on with your daughter, it may not be too late.
You had a lot of courage to deliver yourself, that is that eventually, you want things to change. All the best.
LYNE: To all those who took offense at Jacquet’s comment: who are we to judge her? What do we know about his situation? I read a call for help from a person who is out of breath. I find you courageous, Jacquet, for having dared to write all of this following such a beautiful article on the multiple ways of showing our love to our children. If you have read this, it is because you are looking for solutions, and deep inside you love your daughter, but bitterly hate what she makes you experience day after day. Do you dare to give yourself the gift of being happy by taking the first step of going to tell a story about your torture to a parent/child professional, whatever his allegiance? Do you dare to try to believe that love works miracles and transforms people, even the most injured? I sincerely wish you and your daughter discover, under this thick black veil of anger, wounds, and hatred, the fragile thumb of your mutual love and decide to water it, so that it may one day grow and heal your hearts.